Camerons Story
I am a veteran of several trips to Iraq.
I have been diagnosed with fairly severe PTSD (I can still function and work(some days I have to go and sit in my car because I just feel out of control of my own emotions(God bless my boss who knows about my situation but employs me and covers for me), but there are usually several days a month where my wife has to make sure she and my toddler son basically need to stay away from me because I can get pretty emotionally unstable for reasons I still can't explain because I have yet to really put a better finger on my triggers). After leaving the military, I spent almost a decade fucking, fighting, and having random emotionally erratic episodes and just chalking it up to drinking (I became a drunk) and partying (my family and friends noticed a marked difference in me, but were too worried to mention it to me (temper issues)).
It wasn't until I left my psycho, alcoholic ex-gf (nothing worse than living in a co-dependent bubble that you don't even know you're in), that I found someone (my wife) and I learned normal human fucking behavior and how love should actually work. I cut back on my partying and stopped fighting (still working on the drinking), but when my wife got pregnant I started to have REALLY LOW lows (did some things I am not proud of over there. You really can't explain what it is like to do certain things unless your audience has some experience with it, and it is also kind of heart breaking (I took no joy in it) to try and explain those things to an audience that likely has no sympathy for it and nor should they), and called the Veteran's Crisis Line when I felt I wasn't worth a damn as a parent/human and didn't deserve a healthy wife, child and family (I can't emphasize how great this number is if you really need help or just someone to talk to: 1-800-273-8255 24/7) because I was just completely lost.
The following Monday I was contacted by the nearest Vet Center (They offer help and/or counseling for mental issues or aid with disability claims) and was immediately offered weekly visits with a social worker (wonderful lady). That social worker eventually got me into weekly (psychologist) and quarterly (psychiatrist, but they are very busy trying to regulate people's meds) visits with the VA.
Ever since I started seeing these people I have gotten better. It was slow at first(several months before results) because it took some time for me to build trust to be able to share my experiences in a vulnerable and truthful manner (for those that haven't been in therapy, it can be a real bitch to REALLY open yourself up to a stranger and hope they don't tear you apart and judge you, which counselors damn near never do, but the fear is there all the same). But after a lot of time, talking, and drugs (I am currently on depression, sleep, and mood meds and I haven't felt this normal since I left the military, which brings me to my next point).
I also attend group meetings that deal with PTSD and other assorted issues (they have separate groups mostly, but sometimes they have to combine then due to lack of budget), and you can't begin to understand what people have gone through in the military (non-combat related) unless you sit in those rooms and hear first-hand some of the most gut-wrenching, soul-sickening stories you could imagine, and that leads to a lot of this:
Many veterans are over/undermedicated due to the huge overflow of vets thanks to the recent wars and the vets still living after the previous ones, combined with underfunding from the government. Like I mentioned above, I get to see my psychiatrist (drugs) at most once every 3 months for 30-60 minutes.It is just enough for him to figure out how I am dealing with my meds and whether to tweak them or not. It would be easy to have a negative opinion after reading that previous statement, but they are so overwhelmed by patients that they are basically plugging the Hoover Dam with their head and drowning. There are literally schizophrenic vets wandering the waiting room on a slightly regular basis.
I commend every last employee/volunteer I've ever run into in my year+ of dealing with the VA/Vet Center.
I filed for disability about a year ago and am just now getting ready to go in for my PTSD disability interview (it is a visit separate from my other VA visits pertaining to legitimate mental health sessions (though the guy I get to meet for one time does have access to their notes). Trust me, the VA makes no fucking sense), and I am told I am looking at at least a 5-6 month waiting period to hear back on my final findings, so about an 18-month period (much shorter than whatever bullshit timeline they put out there in the media. It is so ridiculous that I don't even remember what they said at this point).
The most irritating part is that I am blessed in that I don't need the money from disability (I actually plan on donating much of it to Veteran's charities. People I tell this to call me silly, but fuck them because I am fortunate enough to make enough income to be able to do so), but I do need to get some kind of disability rating percentage to have maximum access to VA programs without having to disclose my mental health issues to my employer via my own health insurance because if you don't have certain disability ratings they act as if they are an actual healthcare provider and go through your insurance.